


Grand Voices in a Tiny Head

by ScavengersSuccotash



Series: Millaflower [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Conflicted Ben Solo, Darkside influence, Gen, Han just doesn't know how to handle a force child, Hearing Voices, Jedi Ben, Jedi Ben Solo, Leia Organa is a good mother, Luke means well, Luke rebuilds the Jedi Order, Sad Luke Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28204026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScavengersSuccotash/pseuds/ScavengersSuccotash
Summary: Ben solo begins to hear dark voices at the age of three. It was decided then that he should train to become a Jedi.However, even with the mediation and guidance of his Uncle the voices are persistent.
Series: Millaflower [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130060
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	Grand Voices in a Tiny Head

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot is set within the universe of my Split Allegiances work. I couldn't stop thinking about young Ben and his Jedi training. 
> 
> Please Enjoy!

_Ben Solo was three years old when he heard the voice first. He was playing with his brightly colored block toys, when it whispered to him in a language he could barely understand. Startled he ran to his mother, fat tears running down his chubby cheeks as Leia smoothed his wild curls. She cooed softly when he buried his snot covered face into her shirt and held him close to her chest. She asked him what was wrong, but Ben could hardly articulate what had happened, so instead his listened to his mother’s heartbeat to calm him down. He shook his head and held onto his mother’s robes, tiny hands fisting the soft material as he continued to cry._

_Then the nightmares came, so frightfully dark and violent that Leia and Han would rush into his room startled by his sudden screaming. It became such a routine that he noticed Han coming to comfort him less and less. It was soon after that he was sent to Uncle Luke. He remembered how his mother had patted his back to gently inch him closer to his kneeling Uncle, the day she had brought him to Ach-To. The man before him looked intimating in young Ben’s eyes, there was an air about him that made him nervous._

_“_ _Say hello to your Uncle, Ben.” His mother had said, smiling and nodding encouraging. Ben looked down at his tiny feet._

_“Hello, Uncle.”_

_The man had laughed gently at that and scooped him up, sending a wave of nausea over him as his world was tilted violently before righting._

_Suddenly young Ben was in his Uncles arms watching as his mother smiled sadly and left. Ben watched the shuttle roar to life, and as he buried his face into his Uncles neck against the wind and dust, he wondered when she would be back. The two watched, his uncle waving goodbye, until the shuttle vanished into the dark blue sky above._

_“Do you want to see the little fishes?” His uncle asked, to which Ben nodded a cheeky smile beginning to form._

* * *

_Ben was five years old when he heard the voice again, after meditation practice with Luke. It was quiet like the first, but this time Ben could understand exactly what it was saying. It told him that that Luke didn’t like him, and that his family hated him and that was why they sent him to Luke. Luke must have noticed Ben’s whimpers because suddenly Luke was there rubbing his back-muttering comforting words- and then the voices stopped. That night Ben learned all about the force, that it was a living thing, a balance between life and death, and that he was to be trained to become a Jedi like Uncle Luke. Luke then told him about Darth Vader. And Ben wondered, listening as Luke spoke, if he was going to end up like Darth Vader._

_“Am I going to die?” He asked chin wobbling and eyes beginning to water. Luke pulled him into a tight hug, his mechanical hand cold against the knots of Ben’s spine._

_“Everyone dies, Ben. But no, you won’t die until you are much older, I promise.” Luke said, his voice weaving slightly._

* * *

_Ben was six when the voice spoke to him next. It hissed encouragingly at him to strike down the young padawan sprawled on the stone floor before him. Ben was panting heavily his wooden staff pointed at the padawan's chest, and Ben wanted to because he was mad. The young padawan had called him names behind his back, whispering to friend’s about how large Ben’s ears where and how ugly he was. Before Ben could process the fleeting thought, Luke was clapping and stepping into the training ring to begin his lecture on the importance to footwork in combat._

_“Ben, can you tell the other what mistakes Kaa’ve made?”_

_“He put his weight on the wrong foot. Made himself unbalanced.” Ben said, still holding the staff against the boy’s chest watching as anger glinted in his opponent’s eyes._

_“That is correct, the proper foot placement for an opening stance-“ Luke continued speaking, but Ben barley listened he knew all of this already. Instead, he glared a Kaa’ve as he dug the end of his staff deeper into the boy’s chest, finding the spot where he had wacked him earlier. Kaa’ve winced and Ben smiled proudly before finally lifting the staff and twirling it back to his side. That night Ben had nightmares, nightmares where he listened to the voices in his head, where Kaa’ve’s glossy eyes stared up at him in horror as he bled out. Ben woke feeling terrible and nauseous. Unable to mediate Ben went to talk to Luke._

* * *

_Ben was eight when his mother stopped by the second time in person. She gathered him in a warm tight hug and muttering apologies as his kissed him all over in front of the other padawans, much to his embarrassment. “_

_Mom!” He protested, trying in vain to push her away noticing how some of the padawans were laughing._

_“My baby boy! Look how big you’ve gotten!” She cooed, ruffling his dark hair and pinching his cheek._

_“Leia!” Luke said then catching her attention._

_“Glad to see you’ve made it okay!” Luke was standing outside his hut, arms crossed but otherwise smiling. Leia patted his head._

_“Go play with the other padawans, while I talk to Luke, and then we can catch up okay?” Ben watched his mother head into Luke’s Hut, and looked over to the padawan who were snickering at him. He opted to train by himself, practicing his combat forms against a tall rock that lay on the edge of a cliff overlooking Ach-To’s vast ocean. It was growing dark by the time he finally wore himself out, so he headed to Luke’s Hut. He stopped short when he heard his mother and Luke talking._

_“_ _He has inflicted pain on a fellow Padawans, Leia-“_

_“I see. And he is still hearing the voices?”_

_“I don’t think they ever went away…” That night Ben locked himself in his room, ignoring his mother’s protests to come out and see her before she left. He watched as her ship left, and he wondered for the first time in his life if the voice was right._

* * *

_Ben was eleven when he gave into the voice. He was sparring with a padawan that was on all accounts just as skilled as Ben, and Ben was losing. His opponent was driving his back, with each strike Ben had to take a step back, and the voice hissed._

_“Strike boy, strike!” And so, he did, roaring in anger, using it to fuel the power of his swings. His opponent stepped back, a fear forming in his eyes, and Ben savored it. He struck again, and again and again, and suddenly he was winning. And then everything happened all at once. The padawan tripped, falling back, and Ben was on him, staff completely abandoned, pummeling the boy._

_He felt the crunch of boy’s nose, the hot wetness of the boy’s blood washing over his hands. There was pandemonium around him as his fellow padawans screamed in horror, Luke was shouting something, but Ben couldn’t hear anything, but the voice . "Yes, yes give into your hatred, boy! Strike! Harder! Harder!"_

_Luke pulled Ben off of the other padawan so violently that Ben fell flat on his ass. The spell seemed to be broken, because instantly Ben was staring at his bloodied hands, and the sound of the young padawan gurgling on his own blood and the sound of Luke’s shouting snapped back into focus._

_“Uncle… Uncle, I’m so sorry!” He shouted tears streaming down his face as he watched Luke carry the injured padawan away._

_And then he was alone, sitting in the empty training hall, staring at his shaking bloodied hands wondering if he was destined to become like his grandfather._

_After this incident, Luke made a tremendous effort to work with Ben on his anger. Every morning Luke would awaken Ben to meditate and talk. And every morning Ben would tell Luke that he heard the voices of the dark side, and every morning Luke would tell Ben to meditate looking increasingly worried. The meditation worked for a while, but only after tremendous effort, and Ben learned that his anger was a trigger, that his feelings of helplessness and doubt were fuel. His mother sent him more and more holo’s telling him that she loved him and her and Han were thinking of him, he would watch them on repeat every night, focusing on his mothers reassuring face._

* * *

_Ben was thirteen when he heard the voice for the second time, only this time his anger was directed at his Uncle. Luke was scolding him over something that Ben thought was rather silly, when the voice roared back to life._

_“Kill him.” It said, tone wet and mangled. Ben reared back, using the force to shove Luke off his feet. Luke’s back barely grazed the stone wall before he used the force to stop himself. Ben stared wide eyed and once again scared._

_“Ben-“_

_“_ _Uncle, I’m sorry!” Luke sighed quickly advancing and frowned when Ben flinched. Ben wasn’t prepared for the hug that Luke pulled him into, but soon enough he melted into the embrace, feeling very much like the sobbing child he was so long ago clinging onto his mother’s robes._

_“Its okay, Ben…its okay. I’m not angry.” Luke’s reassurances only made him cry harder._

* * *

_At the age of sixteen, Ben left Ach-To to spend a month traveling to political engagements with his mother._

_It was during this trip that Ben realized that the voices that plagued him were quiet, faint enough to ignore, as Leia lectured him on the intricacies of the galactic politics. And Ben thrived, feeling sure of himself, and intrigued at how he could help people without giving into violence. There was little possibility of finding himself on the brink of rage when the thing he was fighting against were mere words and numbers. It was during this trip that Ben decided that following in his mother’s footsteps was a possibility, a real possibility._

_At the end of the month, Ben looked at Luke’s shuttle and back to his mother._

_“I can’t go back, mom.” Leia smiled sadly, cupped her sons check and leaned down to kiss his forehead._

_“I know, Ben. Luke’s here to give you your lightsaber, a final gift if you will-“_

_“Mom…” Leia ruffled her son's dark hair lightly._

_“It’s only a precaution, Ben.” Ben reluctantly took his lightsaber, its silver handle glinting in the sunset and tested its weight. It felt heavy, and full of dark promise._

_That night, after hugging his uncle goodbye, Ben locked the lightsaber in a chest and buried it far in the back corner of his closet. The next day he told his mom that he wanted to become a Senator._


End file.
